Last night I woke up at 1am with my boob about to explode out of my chest. Motherhood calls. However, since we are slowly trying to wean our baby (cue trolls), especially not to feed at night, I got up and started pumping while everyone else in the house is still asleep. I start to scroll through my Facebook feed and come across a story where parents are being called lazy today because their kids are not being toilet-trained early enough. I keep scrolling to find another story where parents are being called lazy because they let their children watch an iPad from time to time. I even come across a third story where Victoria Beckham is being called a "lesbian" because she posted a photo on Instagram of herself kissing her 5-year old daughter on the mouth. AND earlier that day I read about how the beautiful and amazing Sam Frost (Australian radio star) is dealing with depression due to cyber bullying from random strangers. I just do not understand what the world is coming to?
When is this going to stop? Why do we think it is ok to tell someone our opinion when we KNOW that it will hurt them? Most of us have been raised well enough to know that we should not hurt others feelings with our words so why do we do it in writing online for everyone to see? How do we forget our manners when we get on social media? Our mothers taught us better than that! If you were standing next to Victoria Beckham on a beach when she kisses her daughter on the mouth, would you really go over to her and call her a lesbian to her face? Probably not. So what is the difference? If you are the kind of person that would go over to her, you probably do not have many friends because this is called BULLYING!
The parenting shaming is one thing that I see every single day, multiple times per day. Mothers are telling other mothers that they are using the wrong baby carrier, or making mothers feel bad because they aren't breast-feeding, they are telling pregnant women that they are putting their child in danger because they are not gaining enough weight during pregnancy or calling a baby fat and that the mother must be overfeeding them. The list goes on and on. We have NO RIGHT to call other parents lazy just from one fact. Motherhood can be really tough! If the kids are happy and healthy, they are doing an awesome job! Especially today when most mothers live far away from their own families have no support system. We have NO IDEA if other parents are lazy or not and it is not our call to make from the fact that their child is not toilet-trained at 2.5 years old. Even if this was "late", which it isn't, there are soooo many possible circumstances that could make a child not want to toilet-train like moving houses 2-3 times in the last year or a parent could have passed away or the parents are breaking up or a new sibling could have joined the family or they have started at a new daycare - lots of factors that may cause a child to regress from toilet-training. BUT even if there were no such factors, it is not fair or kind to call a parent lazy! I am definitely not a perfect parent but as I am sitting here at 1:30am, sleep-deprived, pumping out breast-milk for my 8-month old baby to drink the next day, I am being called lazy because my 2.5 year old boy is not toilet-trained yet. No wonder Post Natal Depression is on the rise.
Lets please stop the negativity and spread positivity! Next time you feel the need to comment on something on social media, please ask yourself if it is kind or mindful. Would you randomly stop a stranger on the street and tell them this to their face? Will it actually help this person or will it hurt them? Are they actually asking for your opinion? It does not matter if it is your friend, an acquaintance or Victoria Beckham. All people have feelings that can be hurt.
People will love you for your positive comments a lot more than for your "advice". Lets all make an effort to please STOP the bullying!
This is a guest blog written by a Baby Luno team member, who is a mother of 2 and fed up of the mummy shaming.
Comments
Such a great read and so very true. There is always someone telling you that what your doing is wrong and that you should parent your child differently. I strongly believe in the – do what works for you. As long as you your baby and your partner are happy then who cares what habits you get into or what you do and dont teach your child. I also strongly agree with if you wouldnt say sommething to somesones face then why do it on social media?
Sometimes i find it hard when the ones close to you are telling you that wyour doing it wrong and you should amd shouldnt do things, especially ones thay dont have children or havent had small children in years.
Keep up the amazing work that all us mummas do, and we are doing the best job we can ☺